Day 20 - self love - Reflect again!
The first time I wrote the above I wrote reflect agin (a-gin) - and prompted me to think on Gin at this time of the day - how decadent?! But actually in view of my writing I wonder if it is because it feels celebratory!
Ok so today the book asks us again to reflect. On our journey, our progress (though that word doesn't always have positive connotations for me - can make me drive myself too much and not enjoy where I am)
It asks us to write from one of these perspectives:
*letter to ourself forgiving ourself for what has been
*letter to someone undermining our confidence from our own self love perspective
*our obituary after our dignified life
*a pep - talk letter to ourselves to revisit on a down day
Now this I will also do, but instead today I chose to go renegade and follow an exercise my coach mentioned to me, as it seemed most relevant to reflecting. It was to sit and look at myself in a mirror, for 5 minutes, or if that felt tough, instead for longer - for 10 minutes. I rather triumphantly managed 12, (against my issues I am working through with time)!! And yes there was the brief, fleeting thought you will all think I'm a narcissist, but then I thought - it isn't about that, so what the hell - it's there and written. I'm being self loving - how exciting!
Anyways, what occurred to me, once I had spent the first few minutes or so analysing myself and mentally assessing the improvements I wanted to make. I bravely did this no make up! So was definitely aware of my blemishes, lines - more above my left eye as I have a kamikaze eyebrow! I realised that beneath it all was a woman, whose skin was maybe not as soft or flawless as I hoped, but who was still there. Had coped, survived and more than that, had lived. Had become a product of her experiences and outlook and was ready for the next challenge. I sat there thinking of all the things that I had accomplished, lived through, grown past and made me who I am and I felt love. I can only describe it as love because there was no judgement - for once I was sitting there taking myself in like a living portrait and it felt strange and weird but liberating! (I promise it wasn't as settling instantly as it now sounds - but sit with it - it's worth it!)
I realised the majority of time we look in mirrors at ourselves is because we are "Fixing" something - whether that is our hair, our makeup, our outfit. We are constantly looking to upgrade and not taking the time to invest in the person right there in front of us - as we show up, as we are. And I would suggest for you all to give it a go! Look in that mirror, sit with yourself past the point of uncomfortable, see yourself, not "as you" - as you always see yourself - but as You, as a Person. See what you discover!
What do you see in that person?
How can you invest in them?
Do you love them?
Also on a slightly different note - but still somehow relevant to today I think, I came across this quote.
"Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be Patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come." STEVE JOBS.